Powerful Women

For thirty years I have worked and studied in the world of abused women and children.  Historically it has been a profession of few men.  For those women and few men who daily work in the trenches of child abuse, the pay is low, the stress is high, and we are born of a shared Mission .

We save lives, ease pain, and give healing assistance to those children and adults of every race and religion who suffer for the terrifying sins of others.  Some of what I have learned about powerful women from all walks of life is in the  following quotation:

Powerful woman & precious Merlin

As a woman uses power appropriately she experiences an increasing sense of serenity and balance in her life. She gives to others but is not emptied by the giving. She receives from others but does not empty them. She recognizes that she is responsible for herself. She wants the best for others but does not take away their responsibility for achieving it. She provides support but clearly recognizes the need of the individual to develop her own resource. She respects and facilitates others in their own journeys of self discovery.

A woman who uses power judiciously allows herself to feel joy and sorrow with equal vigor. She expresses righteous anger but is not vindictive. She works toward resolutions in which everyone is a winner. She is motivated by self-expression and creativity rather than competition and greed.

Responsible use of power includes confronting injustices in ways which enhance one’s own dignity and that of the person or persons being confronted. A responsible and powerful woman listens for the truth in criticisms leveled at her with genuine concern and love, but she does not give up her self-worth in the process. She protects herself from those who criticize in an attempt to shame her and make her less of a person. She is willing to acknowledge her mistakes and makes amends when possible. She recognizes her own fears and faces them with confidence and courage. She regularly commits herself to life with a courage she is not always sure she has. (excerpt from Without Consent: How to Overcome Childhood Sexual Abuse by Carol Jarvis-Kirkendall & Jeffery Kirkendall)

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I have been blessed to have known many powerful women in my lifetime, and I have learned much that continues to call me to be a better man.  What Truth have I discovered and I might share with you?   Lean closer dear reader as I tell you with  calm confidence , . .

Powerful women can lead this world to greater Compassion and Justice than men can. 

 Powerful women are the key to a healthy future for humankind and mother earth.

Hey, . . just one man’s opinion. . . .

about women.

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Happy Anniversary to Us!

Note from JK:  The following is a letter written by the little girl (as an adult) whose childhood abuse I partially described in the previous posting – “A Legitimate Rape Question.”  As in that article, I have used pseudonyms to protect people’s privacy.  The letter addresses the question, “Can victims of sexual terrorism find true love?”

 

Dear Mom & Dad,

Well it has been nineteen years and what a ride!

There we were, on a beautiful spring day, sitting on the porch at your house in Payson. Dad made a call to someone he called Raymond to ask if he could meet us for dinner. Dad said he was a poor man with a deformed back. Well, I figured what harm could it do?  Afterall  I was poor, and I had a deformed back!  Dinner at El Rancho Restaurant sounded like an innocent enough night out.

I had been feeling pretty ill from physical and mental stress. I was underweight, depressed, afraid of life as I knew it. Well, we went to the restaurant, and we waited…..After a bit we thought that maybe he wasn’t going to show, so we ordered.

Two men were near our booth talking, one of them a very big man, with a strong voice (Later I was told that man was a radio disc jockey). The other man was very, very handsome! Smooth voice, slender body, mature looking, a mustache that reminded me of my favorite cowboys, Doc Holiday. I tried not to stare, not knowing this was the man I was about to meet and spend the rest of my life with.

I was completely flustered that he sat down right next to me!!!! I couldn’t breathe. I looked at his profile and saw his chiseled face, black hair, slight receding hair-line, and handsome as ever, eyes that were like that of a Greek god that swept away the innocence of any thoughts I was thinking.

I looked for the deformity in his back, of course, and it was not as I had been told. As a matter of fact, this man had the body of an athlete. I swept my nose across his path to smell him without being noticed, and he smelled deliciously of musk, amber, and the smell that must be what they say attracts a man to a woman and vice-versa. I became so nervous and suddenly realized I hadn’t done anything with myself to show that I was even in existence. I slowly became more comfortable and began to converse.

After dinner we retreated to Mom and Dad’s place. I could see Mom approved and Dad was quick to give me a glance of approval too. The three of us went up into the tree house out back, the most beautiful tree house ever, to this day, been up in. We shared stories, and we laughed. We shared things in the night air, things about ourselves that would forever stay with us.

Mom decided to go inside and await Dad’s arrival for the night. Dad had set this all up. He had known that Raymond was a gentle and beautiful man. He loved Raymond. He had gotten to know Raymond before I did. When Raymond said his goodbye’s and prepared to go home to the little trailer he shared with his big dog Dakota, he started to walk away.

I walked him out, and asked him if I could hug him. He looked so surprised, yet turned to me, put his strong arms around me. I smelled his scent again. Wow!!!! I went to bed that night with the feelings I had never had before. Dad came into the room with a smile, approaching the bed to hug me goodnight. He asked me if I enjoyed the night, if I liked Raymond, a smile on his face, and then we both laughed in synchronicity.

I told him I was in love for the first time in my life, that I was scared, that I was happy. “What do I do?” I asked him.

His reply was perfect, “Just be yourself. Just let it happen. If it’s meant to be, it will be.” He turned to me as he left the room and said “I love you. I’m so glad to see you happy. It’s been a long time since I’ve seen you smile and laugh like you did tonight. Remember to just be yourself. You are beautiful just the way you are. Take it slow. Let him call you. Don’t chase him. I’ve got a feeling he will be calling you soon. Goodnight my daughter. I love you.”

I looked at him with tears in my eyes, with only joy and an overwhelming sense that my life was going to be changed forever for the better. For once I was alive with a healthy and functional love. Also I felt an exceptional amount of love from a father, a father figure I never had in my life before he married my mother. He was looking out for me.

A beautiful night in March, four people got together and changed the course of my life forever for the better. What a wonderful night. What a great father. What a great mother. What a wonderful man named Raymond that sat down next to me and said, “Hello, I’m Raymond. Nice to meet you.”

He said yes to going to the tree house. He took a chance. We all did. Thank you Dad. Thank you Mom.

You are in both of our hearts tonight, in our memories of that wonderful time, that wonderful night we all connected in a restaurant booth, in a tree house, in this goofy world, . . we had a great experience that will last a lifetime.

How does “Thank you” do justice? I love you forever for all that you give, all that you are, all that you have been to me. Thank you for life as I now know it – happily married, happy with the family we have become.

Happy Anniversary to the four of us!!!!!

We were all there when it happened.

Goodnight.

Forever you daughter,

I Love You,

Emily Fawn